Look, I know that “I’m your only friend, I’m not your only friend” business is confusing. You have to understand that I’d enjoyed a little too much eggnog, it was the holidays, and I knew exactly what I meant when I said it. Judging my how much I was laughing, I must have been extraordinarily clever. To be fair, I am rather erudite: I mean, I dropped a Longines Symphonette reference, and I’m a nightlight.
Anyway, sometimes when I’m a mite boozy, I get philosophical. Don’t ask about the picture of the lighthouse. Apparently, “primitive” is still cause for resentment.